Posted by
Jonathan Cooke on Thursday, September 13, 2007 2:03:35 PM
The author catches up on his reading, and is alarmed by back issues.
Wednesday evening I thought I would catch up with a little reading that I haven’t seemed to have made time for recently. My subscriptions are a tad outdated; blowing off layers of dust, pausing for a hacking cough and brief sneezing fit as years of detritus suddenly become airborne and penetrate my lungs and sinus cavity, I am able to make out the faded dates on the covers and realize that I certainly do seem to be rather behind the times. Oh well, there’s no time like the present to catch up on one's reading!
With my feet plopped down on an old crackled-leather ottoman that has more wrinkles than an English Bulldog and with myself snuggled comfortably into a recliner as deep as the Marianas Trench I settle down with a hot mug of cocoa and begin catching up on my reading.
First I pick up a copy of the New York Times. Hmm. Let’s see what’s happening in the world shall we? Here’s an article that looks interesting, it’s titled “Prospects of Another Glacial Period. Geologists Think the World May Be Frozen Up Again” [1]. Uh-oh, what’s this? That doesn’t sounds too good. What are they talking about? I read on …“The question is again being discussed whether recent and long-continued observations do not point to the advents of a second glacial period.” Oh no, and just when I got nice and snuggly warm! I reach for the blanket on the back of the recliner and plop it over my toeseys; I’m determined not to be worried so I discard the article to read something else instead. Here’s another issue of the New York Times, five years later. Hopefully the danger has passed. What is this issue saying? “Professor Schmidt Warns Us of an Encroaching Ice Age”! Yee gads! I run upstairs and grab a down comforter, get another cup of cocoa and wrap myself up securely back into my recliner. Oh dear, this sounds terrible!
Wrapped up again with a fresh steaming cup of cocoa I grab another news publication and continue to read on. I’ll skip the New York Times; it was only getting me worried. I pick up a Los Angeles Times instead. “The possibility of another Ice Age already having started …” [2]. Argh! I throw it down, and pick up something else hurriedly. “Scientist says Arctic ice will wipe out Canada” [3]. No, it can’t be! I grab another. “We must be just teetering on an Ice Age ...” [4]. I jump up from my recliner and make a mad run upstairs to my linen closet. Grabbing all the blankets and comforters that two arms can physically carry I launch myself downstairs barely touching the steps and dart underneath the pile. Heck, the ice must almost be here by now! These articles aren’t exactly recent!
Sweltering a little under the myriad of heavy covers I carry on reading, I pick up Science News. “The cooling since 1940 has been large enough and consistent enough that it will not soon be reversed,” [5]. No, this just can’t be! I pick up another, International Wildlife, this should be safe. “There is no reason why the Ice Age should not start in earnest in our lifetimes.” I grab another, Newsweek, “The Cooling World” [6], in which scientists are suggesting that to help offset the Global Cooling we could try to melt the Polar Ice Caps in an effort to help warm up the Earth! I dive from underneath my blankets and start loading wood into my fireplace. Yes, we need to warm up the planet to prevent this massive Ice Age from freezing us all solid!
As I write this I'm trying to start another fire by cranking up my barbeque grill. I hope the ice isn't getting too close yet, I'm trying to get it as warm as possible before the glaciers come.
I’m a little low on wood. I grab the entire stack of magazines and newspapers and shove them into my fireplace. Yes, that should help!
Jonathan RF Cooke
September 13, 2007
References
1. New York Times. February 24, 1895.
2. Los Angeles Times. June 28, 1923.
3. Chicago Tribune. Aug 9, 1923.
4. The Atlantic. December 1932.
5. Science News. March 1, 1975.
6. Newsweek, April 18, 1975.